i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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