You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
