I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
