I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
