Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Randomize
