I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
