The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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