Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
