Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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