white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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