just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
