my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize