Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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