I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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