"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think my moral compass just broke
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
