remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
