Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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