I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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