apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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