where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
