I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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