let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
