im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize