i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
