I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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