don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
