I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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