Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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