his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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