i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
