I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
