The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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