Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
