I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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