I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize