I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
