the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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