You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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