For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
