peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
