Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
