the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I need moral support for this bender
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
