bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
