I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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