I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A bitchslap is in order.
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