This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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