I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
