i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You have to summon your inner elephant
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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