You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
