Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
