yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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