We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
