I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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