; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
