Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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