I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize