The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
