Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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