Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
