I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize