I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
