Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All the doctor said was why
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
