cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
