just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
