My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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