My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
