There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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