Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(518): View more from New York

Only a mothe r could love this liver

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(267): View more from Pennsylvania

My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer

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(281): View more from Texas

After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

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(410): View more from Maryland

this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.

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(305): View more from Florida

Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.

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(316): View more from Kansas

Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.

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(425): View more from Washington

Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.

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