If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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