In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
