Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize