remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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