i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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