How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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