you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
