She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
