His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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