Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
