I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
