wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
