So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize