another moral hangover. fuck.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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