I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
the liver wants what the liver wants
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
